The road ends for us and Nathan tomorrow. Nathan's grandmother (who lives with his parents) hired an attorney, went to the judge and agreed to help raise Nathan. Recall, she was the one who initially said she couldn't raise him and also care for her husband who has cancer. She changed her mind. So the judge agreed because there are no drug users in the home. At 9:30am tomorrow morning we will say good bye to sweet Nathan. It's only been 4 days but we've bonded already. I sing praises to my fellow foster mother friend Heather who has raised her son for over a year and she sends him home this week too. If 4 days is this hard I can't imagine one year! And he is the second child she has sent home.
So I suppose we've been initiated. This is what it feels like to give a child back. Even though we were foster parents with Justine we didn't have to experience anything foster parent related besides paperwork and caseworker visits. I'll cherish his pictures forever and, yes, he will make it into my scrapbook.
Our only hope is that if his parents and/or grandparents decide raising him is not doable, or if CPS decides they aren't working out then we are the first they call.
As usual, God has a plan that makes no sense to me. But I just have to rely on Him anyway. I just want the best for this sweet baby boy.
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3 comments:
I am so sorry Cindy.
Cindy,
I wish I had words to comfort you. The only thing that keeps me going is feeling like this is a call to mother the motherless, and if nothing else, to give these babies an excellent foundation. I could never make it without my faith in all allseeing, all knowing, all powerful Father, a loving father who adopted ME and has a master plan. I can only hope to bring Glory to Him somehow, and in exchange, I beg of Him daily to equal the pain of foster parenting with enough peace, joy and fortitude to make it through it. I love you. I'm here for you.
Oh how my heart is aching for you. I just want to cry! I pray God will give you peace during this difficult time!
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